I don't know why I wrote it but here it is. Comments appreciated. Memories It’s been nine years. I say it and it sounds so far away. Nine years. So long and yet the memories still vividly pass through my mind. Technically I was driving a stolen car. I don’t remember thinking anything. I knew the town I was headed for. I needed to get there and that was what kept me going. I had a map but still I had never been to Mineral Wells before. To add to my problems, I didn’t know where to go once I got to town. It’s strange the things that pass through your mind when you look back. I remember rooming with my older brother my first year in undergrad. It was a small southern Baptist school. Mom went there, dad went there, my older brother went there, I went there, my younger brother would go there (do you notice the trend yet?). It was nice and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I spent most of my time growing up in a small town in Texas with a population of 1001 people at the time, so going to a small university made sense. We moved before my junior year. I was not pleased but that’s a different story. I was still in my haze. I had made it to town, but I didn’t know where to turn. The music I had on mentioned a turn, so I did. As a scientist I know to analyze the situation. I study statistics. I know it could have just have been a coincidence. However, to this day I believe it was more. I drove right to a building. No wrong turns, a rare occurrence from me even when I know where I’m headed and I have a map (even when I’ve been there before sometimes). I walked into the building. There was a man sitting there. “My friend died. I’m trying to find him. His name was Jeremy.” “Yes. He is in there.” I didn’t thank the man. I barely looked at him. I went into the next room. I saw him lying in the coffin at the front of the room. I looked around. She wasn’t there. I didn’t know his family so I sat at the back. Unfortunately now I had accomplished my goal. I could only sit there. I wasn’t myself. I wouldn’t be for a very long time after this. I remember how this all began. My dad and I had just finished the fence for my dog. My parents had moved again. The phone rang and as mom was talking I said, “It’s never for me.” Mom said, “It’s for you.” I took it eagerly. I was happy to get a call. Them my sister in law told me about Jeremy. We went down to Brownwood where my brother and his wife lived. I remember spending time with them. My haze had already begun. I don’t remember much. I remember laughing and I joined it. This was the first moment I thought I had lost my mind. I was laughing, but I wasn’t. I was crying. I hated them at that moment. They didn’t understand. They wouldn’t let me go. They wanted to wait until the next day after church. I remember my mom and dad had to do something with my little brother, he was off at church camp. My older brother and his wife were going to go with me after church the next day. I barely slept or maybe I slept a lot. Nothing really mattered. When I woke up they were going to church and I mumbled that I was leaving to my older brother. I remember him leaving. I don’t know if he didn’t hear me well or how much I was awake, but I quickly got dressed and packed up my car. So it wasn’t really a stolen car. It did technically belong to my parents and they didn’t want me going alone, so I guess you could say it was stolen. Anyways I ran. I had to go. I came back as my friends mother walked back to talk to me. I explained who I was and she introduced me to the family. I got a closer look at my friend. He had accidentally pulled out in front of an eighteen wheeler. You could tell they had to do a lot of work on him. His two little nephews were too young to understand it all. I don’t even remember if they were there or not. I just remember being a little jealous. Finally I saw her. Kelly had been seeing Jeremy. I ran back and hugged her. We just hugged for what seemed like forever. Then without a word she walked away. She was crying. Her sister helped catch me up on what had happened. Jeremy was in a hurry to get to church, he was running late. There was some kind of play and he was helping with the sound. Kelly and his mother were only a few minutes behind him. They drove up on the accident shortly after it happened. Kelly was very close to being in the car with him. I couldn’t imagine her sorrow. Thus my pain. What was my sorrow compared to his families and to hers. I was only a friend. My life was not directly connected to his were I saw him regularly, except he was my roommate. I had spent the last year with him. Everyday. We had also planned to room together the next year too. And unlike my older brother, I wasn’t going to room with my little brother on his first year. I’ve never asked how he felt about that. I don’t remember ever talking about it. He made several good friends there so I don’t think he harbors me any ill will. Still what had I lost compared to the others. There comes a point in your life when you start to figure out who you are. When you are no longer so and so’s son or daughter. Where you start to become the person you are meant to be. Where you are making decisions that affect the rest of your life. This was the first friend that saw me in those days. He even helped me take some of those first steps in the direction that led me here. That is what I lost. I loved you as a brother. In fact, back then you were closer than my brothers. Since then, I have learned to love them more because of you. Nine years have passed. The world has moved on, as have I. Just because you were not here doesn’t mean you didn’t change the world. Your life and your death affected us all and I for one was a better man for knowing you. | 
